My baby sister

Well, she and her classmates are off in Colorado rafting, horse back riding, etc. I still can't belive that in 3 days she graduates. My sister has been such an inspiration to me. Here are some pics of her at Baccalaureate.

24 Hours

Well, it's been a full 24 hours since Uncle Gordon passed. I feel so helpless being here. We found out that Uncle Gordon had donated his body to science to one of the universities in St. Louis. They are having a memorial for all of his St. Louis friends tonight- there is no family that lives up there in St. Louis. They will have it at his friend's restaurant where everyone referred to him as "Cheffy". Once the university is done using what they can, we'll get his body back and do a family memorial. Of course that could be weeks to a month. My cousins, Heath and Amy, are holding up. I'm just glad they were able to see their dad before he left. My mom and aunt are in pain. Every time they talk they have to hold back tears. That was their brother, that was their playmate when they were little and their brother who gave advice once they got older. Amy called home and put her kids on speaker phone so they could tell their grandpa how much they loved him. Aunt Nancy (Uncle Gordon's ex-wife but they kept a very close relationship) was able to hold him as they took off life support, she held him till the end.

(Surprise, Happy Birthday!)

Being here in Texas while all the events are happening up in Missouri doesn't quite make it seem real. When it seems real is when I talk to my mom over the phone who express the pain she's in thru her voice. Or when I'm with my dad who is just silent. Doesn't really move or say anything at all. I've lost my uncle. A person in my family who has always been there since I was born. I've never known my family any different w/out my uncle.

For some reason, I get this urge. I can't explain it as to why I feel this but when Uncle Gordon passed yesterday I felt like I need to call my grandparents to let them know. Both of my grandparents are already in Heaven welcoming their son. I can't explain why I felt this way though. I almost even called my mom to tell her she needs to tell her parents. How odd is this? Grandma passed in 1999 and Grandpa passed in 2005. It's almost like my memory was swiped clean and the losses we went thru prior to Uncle Gordon weren't there.

Another weird thing happened yesterday. I received the phone call around 4:45 am. I was up for a bit calling family members and just going thru the shock of what happened. I actually fell back asleep for maybe an hour and during that time I had a very realistic dream that Uncle Gordon came off his life support and went home. I saw the doctors take off his life support with him awake, I saw my cousins helping my uncle walk into his house. I saw my mom and aunt getting food for my uncle as he sat in his lazy boy. It was surreal that when I woke up, I didn't feel like he was gone. I felt like my dream really happened but then of course reality pinched me and I was back to the feelings I had an hour ago.

(Aunt Gail, Uncle Gordon and Aunt Nancy)

Another weird thing happened yesterday. I received the phone call around 4:45 am. I was up for a bit calling family members and just going thru the shock of what happened. I actually fell back asleep for maybe an hour and during that time I had a very realistic dream that Uncle Gordon came off his life support and went home. I saw the doctors take off his life support with him awake, I saw my cousins helping my uncle walk into his house. I saw my mom and aunt getting food for my uncle as he sat in his lazy boy. It was surreal that when I woke up, I didn't feel like he was gone. I felt like my dream really happened but then of course reality pinched me and I was back to the feelings I had an hour ago.

I don't quite understand it all. This is the first loved one I lost since moving from my parents house. All the other times I lived under my parents roof. I knew what was going on. I was on the front lines of it all. Now, being a part from my family I don't quite feel the same.

It Is Time

Ecclesiastes 7:2

It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.

Uncle Gordon left this earth to meet our maker around 4:00 am. As much as he will dearly be missed the only comfort we have is that he's no longer in pain. My Mom made it there just in time. He had his daughter and son and his sisters around him when we went. I love you Uncle Gordon, save me some meringue cookies.

Letting Go

I'm afraid to say that it is time. Uncle Gordon, I fear and hurt that it's time for you to let go and be with our Lord. You were found conscientious and haven't stirred one bit. You have a tube down your throat and you didn't even fight it. Your kids are there and your sister's are on their way. Know we love you and pray continually for you.

II Timothy 4:7

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

Your race has been won. You have so many accomplishments. You have fought this illness for quite sometime, we understand if you can no longer put up your arms in defense. We love you, I love you.

Left to Right: Dad, Uncle Gordon, Amy, Uncle Denny, Me, Jordan, Reagan, Aunt Gail, Brent & Bradley, and Mom

This was taken just a couple months ago. That's Uncle Gordon, Mom, and Aunt Gail

My Uncle, the Chef! I'm so proud of you!

Ole' Wise One was right...

...AGAIN! Received an email from Jim because I had asked him if he had heard anything about Rose making a trip to Salay to find Flora. I know asking people I don't know in a poverty strickin country is a lot to ask to take a 2 hour trip out of their way. Regardless, I received this email this evening and it kinda stunned me. Ole' Wise One, the day you asked me if they were kinda requesting money - well, you were right. I'm kinda shocked that he would ask such a thing. Now it looks like I'm going to have to go thru ICAB (International Country Adoption Board) and start a long process. I thought my contacts who are RIGHT THERE would pan out for me but apparently they won't. This is quite a big let down seeing as I've been patiently waiting any kind of news at all. It seems like everything has come to a screeching halt. Am I ready to give up again? Should I give it up for now and start again when I have the urge? I feel like I've gotten so far. I mean, I really only 2 hours away to see if Flora still resides at the address I have!!! Maybe this is just a sign...God telling me that it's not the right time for this now. I'm not sure, praying is all I can do for guidance and direction.

Sorry I never got back to you quicker but I visited Rose yesterday and unfortunately due to money constraints Rose has not been able to persue your enquiry till now.

If you were to send a small donation I'm sure this would speed things up.

Best wishes.

Jim.

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If you were to send say $100.00 I'm sure that would be sufficient for Rose to travel to Butuan and make the enquires necessary.She may have to make more than one journey to obtain the answers you require.

Kind regards.

Jim.

Samantha Brown

I'm watching the Travel Channel and Samantha Brown is on. What a horrible job she has! Gets to travel the world...right now she's in Matchu Picchu, some ancient Aztec ruins. I find it amazing how cultural other countries are. my dream would to backpack across the world; however, where i am in my life that is only a dream. How fun yet scary would it be to live in another country. A country full of SO much history and relics.

Forget politics and all that goes along with it. Where would you want to live if you had to move from America? Don't think too much into it. Don't think about being ruled under a monarchy or bowing to the queen. Just for the people and landscape, where would you live?

My Mom

My Mom

A halo that reflects a life of
wisdom, kindness, and caring.
Eyes that sparkle with pride
and show how much she believes in you.
Shoulders that have been slept on
and wept on and
carried a world or two.
Arms that never run out of hugs.
Hands that know
just when to hold on
and when to let go.
A mind filled with amazing things,
from fairy tales to family tails
and long-ago stories of you.
A smile that can jump right into your heart
and warm you faster than hot chocolate.
A heart of gold
that holds more love
than you can possibly imagine.

1. That's my grandma who this poem is also meant for. Love you Grandma!

2. This is my mom lit up because this is Reagan's first night with us.

3. My mom, sister, and I at Precious Moments in Missouri.

Dear Uncle Gordon

"I love you and hope you get better.

Your plans to surprise your daughter and grandchildren in North Carolina have been successful. We here in Texas are in hopes you will get better to make it to us; however, if that's not the case just get better to get home. Get well. -Lauren"

Uncle Gordon made plans to surprise his daughter and grandchildren by flying to North Carolina. From there he was going to come to Texas to visit us. He made it to North Carolina yesterday and made everyone's jaw drop when he was at the front door. Unfortunately, a phone call came in from Amy (my cousin, his daughter) telling us he has been taken to the emergency room earlier this evening. Our prayers go out in hopes he gets better. Please continue to pray as my mom did tell him that he wasn't well enough to travel but, the stubbornness came out of him but with the blessings of him being able to see his family.

Old Pictures

So, I mentioned our old sand box. And I know I've told my friends about how my grandma and mom always would make us dresses and what not. Well, here are some pictures. ENJOY!!

1. This is the first time we met Reagan. She had just come off the plane.

2. This is my sister and I with Uncle Gordon, who I wrote about below. This is how I've always known him.

3. Below is our sandbox...part of it at least.

4. These are some dresses my Grandma made and the dolls my mom made.