What a Long Week!

This past week was a hard week for me. It really tested me as a human being in regards to my feelings towards others and myself. It seems that everyone around me is pregnant or about to give birth. Why is it that once you find that something can't happen, it ends up happening to everyone you know. I do find it hard to be happy for my friends. Although I would never wish this upon anyone I know and love, I still find it difficult to be SUPER happy for them. Especially when they overreact their symptoms! Ugh! I really confide in my mom who has been thru it all. She's not going to tell me that "it will happen" or "it will be okay", she speaks truth on how this is hard. These feelings will never go away.

NEW PHOTO BLOG!!!

Please visit imagesbylauren.blogspot.com!!!!! New pictures will be updated.

The Good the Bad and the Ugly

The Good: I've decided that I'm going to start a photo blog. Today I received some exciting news regarding my passion for photography. I was requested by Bart, who works for an advertising agency, to send in a portfolio of 15-20 pictures. He and his boss would like to look at them because they are loosing one of their photographers this August. Super psyched!

The Bad: Received news from my biopsy last week. Looks like Bradley was more than a gift from God than I thought. It seems that I am thru with child bearing. Dr. Ashby is going to be getting some 2nd opinions next week but the prognostic doesn't look very good. I've known this for some time now but we've come to the end of ideas and it's just disappointment after another. I don't know what the future holds but what I do know is that I hope to find peace with this.

The Ugly: THIS GUY!

My life has it's ups and downs. Some harder to handle than most but I always know that I have God to help me thru everything. I spoke to my cousin this week and he is and will for a while feel the loss of his dad. I hear him and he sounds so strong yet with the emptiness in his heart. I also just reconnected with an old girlfriend and I just found out she lost her mom last year. Her mom was very much part of my childhood because me and Brittnie were always together. I try not to imagine my sister and I going thru that but I know the time will come.

"blessed be...the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation." - 2 Corinthians 1:3,4

This verse has come about lately. My friend gave me two small read books that have helped me this summer. This verse is featured in both and I find that everyone can relate back to this when they are having their 'downs' and not their 'ups'. I know God will comfort those who still hurt from the loss of a loved one and i know God will direct me in the way my life should go - with or without a sibling for Bradley - with a photography based job or not. I'm quite anxious to see what God has in store for me.

I'm setting up my photography blog right after I post this. I'm sure it will be somewhere on this blog where you can click over to it.

Uncle Gordon's Obit

My cousin Heath wrote this for his Dad.

http://heathmcknight.blogspot.com/2010/06/rip-dad-obituary.html

thursday, june 3, 2010

RIP, Dad, an obituary.

Well, it's been a few weeks, but I finally decided to do a little post about my Dad's passing.

My Dad, Gordon McKnight, was born in Ohio and raised in Denver, Colorado (where his heart partly lay, along with St. Louis, MO). He served in the Army in Vietnam, and until his death, wore a bracelet of an MIA/POW US Soldier named Clive Jeffs. He had another one, but they found the MIA soldier. My Mom gave him the bracelet he wore for over 35-40 years.

He worked at the Denver Post and then the DP's Champions of Golf where they set up some of the first pro golf tournaments in Colorado!

We all moved to South Florida (Wellington, my Mom Cee, sister Amy and I) in 1984 where my Dad was Marketing Director at Executive Sports, which set up and organized pro golf tournaments. Jack Nicklaus was part owner via Golden Bear.

By 1992, he had started his own business, Event Links, Inc., and continued marketing major pro golf tournaments, like the Philip Morris Invitational. He also sat on the Sunfest board of directors (West Palm Beach, FL event/arts/crafts/music fest).

He re-married Nancy Gross in 1993 and my family grew (my mom married Mark Lawrence in 1994, and the family grew some more). By 1996, he and Nancy moved to a very nice and older part of West Palm Beach and bought a beautiful, old Florida home.

By 1998, my Dad retired and sold his business. He always loved cooking (since I was a little kid in Colorado--oh, and the Denver Broncos where he was President of their official fan club), and so he moved to Norfolk, VA to attend cooking school at Johnson and Wales. I visited him around December of 1998 and had a great time with him. He wanted to cook and write about cooking.

Summer 1999 saw him living temporarily in Los Angeles as he interned in the food dept. at the L.A. Times. He wrote an article that made the front page of their food section. Read it here.

He also freelanced for Cooking Light (read a recipe here) and I believe Southern Living. He opened a restaurant in Denver called Squad Car Chili Parlor in 2001. He lost a lot of weight due to stress, and I saw him at my sister's wedding August 2001 in Columbia, SC. He actually looked great, despite the stress! It didn't work out and he then moved to St. Louis, where Nancy and her family were at.

Gordon began teaching inner city kids how to cook at a high school in St. Louis, and he really changed a lot of lives for the better. And they changed his, too. He quickly developed his "St. Louis family," including Timmy (both of whom considered each other brothers, which is awesome), Richard and everyone at the fantastic Greek restaurant Ari's. They called him Cheffy! He also taught at a local community college (cooking, of course), and wrote restaurant reviews at STLToday.com (read one here).

I know I'm only just scratching the surface of his life in St. Louis, but he was probably his happiest with the love of his life: cooking, changing lives and all his friends, and esp. Nancy.

He died at around 4:15 AM on May 15, 2010, with his sisters Gail and Jane, my sister Amy and I, his and Nancy's close friend Trish at his side, and Nancy holding him until he passed on. This was after some major health problems that started around 2007, 2008.

My Dad leaves behind a great legacy, with many lives touched and many great meals made and eaten by us all. He was Gordon to some, Cheffy to others, Grandpa and Uncle to still more. But to me, he'll always be my Dad.

I love you, Dad. May you Rest In Peace up in Heaven. They're having some great meals up there!

Crazy Life

This is my Family. Wouldn't change them for the world.

Left to Right: Bradley, Me, Chris, Reagan, cousin Jordan, Dad, Uncle Denny, cousin Archer, cousin Addison, Aunt Gail, cousin Avery, cousin Austin, Mom, cousin Heather, and cousin Brent

Well, I haven't blogged much lately because we have just been busy busy! My sister graduated a week ago yesterday. It was great seeing all of my family that I hadn't seen in a while. Reagan will start summer classes at WT this June. She's already adventuring out!

I found it great to see family yet I felt out of place. I hadn't been around my entire family like that in probably 5 years. I've seen them here and there but as a whole it's been a while. My older cousin, Brent, has 4 kids (two older boys aren't his, two youngest are). I have never been around my cousin as a father. I don't know that cousin. My other cousin, Jordan, has developed this crazy close relationship with my sister. I wasn't quite sure what dynamic I fit in but it was great watching everyone now that we're all adults. Thinking back to the years, we've always been together as kids under our parents roof. Now, we're all adults starting new chapters and now we've had to get to know 'that' family member.

I took Thursday and Friday off last week. Thursday my mom, aunt, and I went antique shopping. It was truly nice to have a little bit of time with them. My mom and aunt used to drag me, Jordan, and Reagan to EVERY antique shop in the state when we were little. I would've thought that I was burnt out on antiques but surprisingly I love them! Maybe it's something I got from my mom. ;)

Friday was very busy. My day started at 7:30 am and didn't come to an end till 11 pm. I would consider that to be a normal day but we were just going going going. Gotta go setup Reagan's senior table (hope to get pictures up soon), gotta go get the balloons, gotta go get the flower bouquet, we forgot this, we need to grab that...etc!! I'm so glad I was a part of it all. It felt SO good to be a part of one of my sister's biggest days! She loved everything!

(Left to Right): Brent, Chris, Dillon (reagan's bf), Jordan who has Austin in a head lock

Saturday we had a BBQ at my parent's house. We had brauts and hamburgers. We played kick ball in the backyard till it was so dark, we'd get hit by the ball cause we couldn't see anything. That was a nice day. My parents even invited Chris to come! He hasn't been to my parents house in 5 years. I know it meant a lot to him, it also meant the world to me.

Avery, Regan, and Jordan. We're about to play kickball.

Sunday we packed up and headed to Palo Duro Canyon. We had another small picnic and explored some underground caves. Well, Chris did most of the exploring...Jordan, Reagan, and I kinda sat by and watched. After the canyon we took Bradley swimming at the hotel Brent and his family were staying at. Brent's only girl is Addison and she's 4. Her and Bradley hit it off great. They have made true friends and are so darn cute together!

Addison and Bradley. One of the many pics of them together.

Monday we celebrated Jordan and Reagan's birthday. Jordan's birthday is May 30th and Reagan's birthday is June 1st. We all went to Sakura which in the 12 years we've lived here, I've never been to. It was good...equally as good as Kabuki.

I had such a fun time with my family. By the end of the weekend, I knew where I belonged. Right where I've always been.

Even though this past work week was just 4 days, it was a heck of a 4 day work week. Between changes and drama I can't tell you how glad it's the weekend!

See all of my family pictures here at http://www5.snapfish.com/snapfish/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=1533190026/a=2639836026_2639836026/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish/

My baby sister

Well, she and her classmates are off in Colorado rafting, horse back riding, etc. I still can't belive that in 3 days she graduates. My sister has been such an inspiration to me. Here are some pics of her at Baccalaureate.

24 Hours

Well, it's been a full 24 hours since Uncle Gordon passed. I feel so helpless being here. We found out that Uncle Gordon had donated his body to science to one of the universities in St. Louis. They are having a memorial for all of his St. Louis friends tonight- there is no family that lives up there in St. Louis. They will have it at his friend's restaurant where everyone referred to him as "Cheffy". Once the university is done using what they can, we'll get his body back and do a family memorial. Of course that could be weeks to a month. My cousins, Heath and Amy, are holding up. I'm just glad they were able to see their dad before he left. My mom and aunt are in pain. Every time they talk they have to hold back tears. That was their brother, that was their playmate when they were little and their brother who gave advice once they got older. Amy called home and put her kids on speaker phone so they could tell their grandpa how much they loved him. Aunt Nancy (Uncle Gordon's ex-wife but they kept a very close relationship) was able to hold him as they took off life support, she held him till the end.

(Surprise, Happy Birthday!)

Being here in Texas while all the events are happening up in Missouri doesn't quite make it seem real. When it seems real is when I talk to my mom over the phone who express the pain she's in thru her voice. Or when I'm with my dad who is just silent. Doesn't really move or say anything at all. I've lost my uncle. A person in my family who has always been there since I was born. I've never known my family any different w/out my uncle.

For some reason, I get this urge. I can't explain it as to why I feel this but when Uncle Gordon passed yesterday I felt like I need to call my grandparents to let them know. Both of my grandparents are already in Heaven welcoming their son. I can't explain why I felt this way though. I almost even called my mom to tell her she needs to tell her parents. How odd is this? Grandma passed in 1999 and Grandpa passed in 2005. It's almost like my memory was swiped clean and the losses we went thru prior to Uncle Gordon weren't there.

Another weird thing happened yesterday. I received the phone call around 4:45 am. I was up for a bit calling family members and just going thru the shock of what happened. I actually fell back asleep for maybe an hour and during that time I had a very realistic dream that Uncle Gordon came off his life support and went home. I saw the doctors take off his life support with him awake, I saw my cousins helping my uncle walk into his house. I saw my mom and aunt getting food for my uncle as he sat in his lazy boy. It was surreal that when I woke up, I didn't feel like he was gone. I felt like my dream really happened but then of course reality pinched me and I was back to the feelings I had an hour ago.

(Aunt Gail, Uncle Gordon and Aunt Nancy)

Another weird thing happened yesterday. I received the phone call around 4:45 am. I was up for a bit calling family members and just going thru the shock of what happened. I actually fell back asleep for maybe an hour and during that time I had a very realistic dream that Uncle Gordon came off his life support and went home. I saw the doctors take off his life support with him awake, I saw my cousins helping my uncle walk into his house. I saw my mom and aunt getting food for my uncle as he sat in his lazy boy. It was surreal that when I woke up, I didn't feel like he was gone. I felt like my dream really happened but then of course reality pinched me and I was back to the feelings I had an hour ago.

I don't quite understand it all. This is the first loved one I lost since moving from my parents house. All the other times I lived under my parents roof. I knew what was going on. I was on the front lines of it all. Now, being a part from my family I don't quite feel the same.