Saturday, July 31, 2010
What a Long Week!
This past week was a hard week for me. It really tested me as a human being in regards to my feelings towards others and myself. It seems that everyone around me is pregnant or about to give birth. Why is it that once you find that something can't happen, it ends up happening to everyone you know. I do find it hard to be happy for my friends. Although I would never wish this upon anyone I know and love, I still find it difficult to be SUPER happy for them. Especially when they overreact their symptoms! Ugh! I really confide in my mom who has been thru it all. She's not going to tell me that "it will happen" or "it will be okay", she speaks truth on how this is hard. These feelings will never go away.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The Good the Bad and the Ugly
The Good: I've decided that I'm going to start a photo blog. Today I received some exciting news regarding my passion for photography. I was requested by Bart, who works for an advertising agency, to send in a portfolio of 15-20 pictures. He and his boss would like to look at them because they are loosing one of their photographers this August. Super psyched!
The Bad: Received news from my biopsy last week. Looks like Bradley was more than a gift from God than I thought. It seems that I am thru with child bearing. Dr. Ashby is going to be getting some 2nd opinions next week but the prognostic doesn't look very good. I've known this for some time now but we've come to the end of ideas and it's just disappointment after another. I don't know what the future holds but what I do know is that I hope to find peace with this.
The Ugly: THIS GUY!
My life has it's ups and downs. Some harder to handle than most but I always know that I have God to help me thru everything. I spoke to my cousin this week and he is and will for a while feel the loss of his dad. I hear him and he sounds so strong yet with the emptiness in his heart. I also just reconnected with an old girlfriend and I just found out she lost her mom last year. Her mom was very much part of my childhood because me and Brittnie were always together. I try not to imagine my sister and I going thru that but I know the time will come.
"blessed be...the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation." - 2 Corinthians 1:3,4
This verse has come about lately. My friend gave me two small read books that have helped me this summer. This verse is featured in both and I find that everyone can relate back to this when they are having their 'downs' and not their 'ups'. I know God will comfort those who still hurt from the loss of a loved one and i know God will direct me in the way my life should go - with or without a sibling for Bradley - with a photography based job or not. I'm quite anxious to see what God has in store for me.
I'm setting up my photography blog right after I post this. I'm sure it will be somewhere on this blog where you can click over to it.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Uncle Gordon's Obit
My cousin Heath wrote this for his Dad.
Well, it's been a few weeks, but I finally decided to do a little post about my Dad's passing.
thursday, june 3, 2010
RIP, Dad, an obituary.
Well, it's been a few weeks, but I finally decided to do a little post about my Dad's passing.My Dad, Gordon McKnight, was born in Ohio and raised in Denver, Colorado (where his heart partly lay, along with St. Louis, MO). He served in the Army in Vietnam, and until his death, wore a bracelet of an MIA/POW US Soldier named Clive Jeffs. He had another one, but they found the MIA soldier. My Mom gave him the bracelet he wore for over 35-40 years.
He worked at the Denver Post and then the DP's Champions of Golf where they set up some of the first pro golf tournaments in Colorado!
We all moved to South Florida (Wellington, my Mom Cee, sister Amy and I) in 1984 where my Dad was Marketing Director at Executive Sports, which set up and organized pro golf tournaments. Jack Nicklaus was part owner via Golden Bear.
By 1992, he had started his own business, Event Links, Inc., and continued marketing major pro golf tournaments, like the Philip Morris Invitational. He also sat on the Sunfest board of directors (West Palm Beach, FL event/arts/crafts/music fest).
He re-married Nancy Gross in 1993 and my family grew (my mom married Mark Lawrence in 1994, and the family grew some more). By 1996, he and Nancy moved to a very nice and older part of West Palm Beach and bought a beautiful, old Florida home.
By 1998, my Dad retired and sold his business. He always loved cooking (since I was a little kid in Colorado--oh, and the Denver Broncos where he was President of their official fan club), and so he moved to Norfolk, VA to attend cooking school at Johnson and Wales. I visited him around December of 1998 and had a great time with him. He wanted to cook and write about cooking.
Summer 1999 saw him living temporarily in Los Angeles as he interned in the food dept. at the L.A. Times. He wrote an article that made the front page of their food section. Read it here.
He also freelanced for Cooking Light (read a recipe here) and I believe Southern Living. He opened a restaurant in Denver called Squad Car Chili Parlor in 2001. He lost a lot of weight due to stress, and I saw him at my sister's wedding August 2001 in Columbia, SC. He actually looked great, despite the stress! It didn't work out and he then moved to St. Louis, where Nancy and her family were at.
Gordon began teaching inner city kids how to cook at a high school in St. Louis, and he really changed a lot of lives for the better. And they changed his, too. He quickly developed his "St. Louis family," including Timmy (both of whom considered each other brothers, which is awesome), Richard and everyone at the fantastic Greek restaurant Ari's. They called him Cheffy! He also taught at a local community college (cooking, of course), and wrote restaurant reviews at STLToday.com (read one here).
I know I'm only just scratching the surface of his life in St. Louis, but he was probably his happiest with the love of his life: cooking, changing lives and all his friends, and esp. Nancy.
He died at around 4:15 AM on May 15, 2010, with his sisters Gail and Jane, my sister Amy and I, his and Nancy's close friend Trish at his side, and Nancy holding him until he passed on. This was after some major health problems that started around 2007, 2008.
My Dad leaves behind a great legacy, with many lives touched and many great meals made and eaten by us all. He was Gordon to some, Cheffy to others, Grandpa and Uncle to still more. But to me, he'll always be my Dad.
I love you, Dad. May you Rest In Peace up in Heaven. They're having some great meals up there!
Crazy Life
This is my Family. Wouldn't change them for the world.
Left to Right: Bradley, Me, Chris, Reagan, cousin Jordan, Dad, Uncle Denny, cousin Archer, cousin Addison, Aunt Gail, cousin Avery, cousin Austin, Mom, cousin Heather, and cousin Brent
Well, I haven't blogged much lately because we have just been busy busy! My sister graduated a week ago yesterday. It was great seeing all of my family that I hadn't seen in a while. Reagan will start summer classes at WT this June. She's already adventuring out!
I found it great to see family yet I felt out of place. I hadn't been around my entire family like that in probably 5 years. I've seen them here and there but as a whole it's been a while. My older cousin, Brent, has 4 kids (two older boys aren't his, two youngest are). I have never been around my cousin as a father. I don't know that cousin. My other cousin, Jordan, has developed this crazy close relationship with my sister. I wasn't quite sure what dynamic I fit in but it was great watching everyone now that we're all adults. Thinking back to the years, we've always been together as kids under our parents roof. Now, we're all adults starting new chapters and now we've had to get to know 'that' family member.
I took Thursday and Friday off last week. Thursday my mom, aunt, and I went antique shopping. It was truly nice to have a little bit of time with them. My mom and aunt used to drag me, Jordan, and Reagan to EVERY antique shop in the state when we were little. I would've thought that I was burnt out on antiques but surprisingly I love them! Maybe it's something I got from my mom. ;)
Friday was very busy. My day started at 7:30 am and didn't come to an end till 11 pm. I would consider that to be a normal day but we were just going going going. Gotta go setup Reagan's senior table (hope to get pictures up soon), gotta go get the balloons, gotta go get the flower bouquet, we forgot this, we need to grab that...etc!! I'm so glad I was a part of it all. It felt SO good to be a part of one of my sister's biggest days! She loved everything!
(Left to Right): Brent, Chris, Dillon (reagan's bf), Jordan who has Austin in a head lock
Saturday we had a BBQ at my parent's house. We had brauts and hamburgers. We played kick ball in the backyard till it was so dark, we'd get hit by the ball cause we couldn't see anything. That was a nice day. My parents even invited Chris to come! He hasn't been to my parents house in 5 years. I know it meant a lot to him, it also meant the world to me.
Avery, Regan, and Jordan. We're about to play kickball.
Sunday we packed up and headed to Palo Duro Canyon. We had another small picnic and explored some underground caves. Well, Chris did most of the exploring...Jordan, Reagan, and I kinda sat by and watched. After the canyon we took Bradley swimming at the hotel Brent and his family were staying at. Brent's only girl is Addison and she's 4. Her and Bradley hit it off great. They have made true friends and are so darn cute together!
Addison and Bradley. One of the many pics of them together.
Monday we celebrated Jordan and Reagan's birthday. Jordan's birthday is May 30th and Reagan's birthday is June 1st. We all went to Sakura which in the 12 years we've lived here, I've never been to. It was good...equally as good as Kabuki.
I had such a fun time with my family. By the end of the weekend, I knew where I belonged. Right where I've always been.
Even though this past work week was just 4 days, it was a heck of a 4 day work week. Between changes and drama I can't tell you how glad it's the weekend!
See all of my family pictures here at http://www5.snapfish.com/snapfish/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=1533190026/a=2639836026_2639836026/otsc=SHR/otsi=SALBlink/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish/
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
My baby sister
Well, she and her classmates are off in Colorado rafting, horse back riding, etc. I still can't belive that in 3 days she graduates. My sister has been such an inspiration to me. Here are some pics of her at Baccalaureate.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
24 Hours
Well, it's been a full 24 hours since Uncle Gordon passed. I feel so helpless being here. We found out that Uncle Gordon had donated his body to science to one of the universities in St. Louis. They are having a memorial for all of his St. Louis friends tonight- there is no family that lives up there in St. Louis. They will have it at his friend's restaurant where everyone referred to him as "Cheffy". Once the university is done using what they can, we'll get his body back and do a family memorial. Of course that could be weeks to a month. My cousins, Heath and Amy, are holding up. I'm just glad they were able to see their dad before he left. My mom and aunt are in pain. Every time they talk they have to hold back tears. That was their brother, that was their playmate when they were little and their brother who gave advice once they got older. Amy called home and put her kids on speaker phone so they could tell their grandpa how much they loved him. Aunt Nancy (Uncle Gordon's ex-wife but they kept a very close relationship) was able to hold him as they took off life support, she held him till the end.
(Surprise, Happy Birthday!)
Being here in Texas while all the events are happening up in Missouri doesn't quite make it seem real. When it seems real is when I talk to my mom over the phone who express the pain she's in thru her voice. Or when I'm with my dad who is just silent. Doesn't really move or say anything at all. I've lost my uncle. A person in my family who has always been there since I was born. I've never known my family any different w/out my uncle.
For some reason, I get this urge. I can't explain it as to why I feel this but when Uncle Gordon passed yesterday I felt like I need to call my grandparents to let them know. Both of my grandparents are already in Heaven welcoming their son. I can't explain why I felt this way though. I almost even called my mom to tell her she needs to tell her parents. How odd is this? Grandma passed in 1999 and Grandpa passed in 2005. It's almost like my memory was swiped clean and the losses we went thru prior to Uncle Gordon weren't there.
Another weird thing happened yesterday. I received the phone call around 4:45 am. I was up for a bit calling family members and just going thru the shock of what happened. I actually fell back asleep for maybe an hour and during that time I had a very realistic dream that Uncle Gordon came off his life support and went home. I saw the doctors take off his life support with him awake, I saw my cousins helping my uncle walk into his house. I saw my mom and aunt getting food for my uncle as he sat in his lazy boy. It was surreal that when I woke up, I didn't feel like he was gone. I felt like my dream really happened but then of course reality pinched me and I was back to the feelings I had an hour ago.
(Aunt Gail, Uncle Gordon and Aunt Nancy)
Another weird thing happened yesterday. I received the phone call around 4:45 am. I was up for a bit calling family members and just going thru the shock of what happened. I actually fell back asleep for maybe an hour and during that time I had a very realistic dream that Uncle Gordon came off his life support and went home. I saw the doctors take off his life support with him awake, I saw my cousins helping my uncle walk into his house. I saw my mom and aunt getting food for my uncle as he sat in his lazy boy. It was surreal that when I woke up, I didn't feel like he was gone. I felt like my dream really happened but then of course reality pinched me and I was back to the feelings I had an hour ago.
I don't quite understand it all. This is the first loved one I lost since moving from my parents house. All the other times I lived under my parents roof. I knew what was going on. I was on the front lines of it all. Now, being a part from my family I don't quite feel the same.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
It Is Time
Ecclesiastes 7:2
It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.
Uncle Gordon left this earth to meet our maker around 4:00 am. As much as he will dearly be missed the only comfort we have is that he's no longer in pain. My Mom made it there just in time. He had his daughter and son and his sisters around him when we went. I love you Uncle Gordon, save me some meringue cookies.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Letting Go
I'm afraid to say that it is time. Uncle Gordon, I fear and hurt that it's time for you to let go and be with our Lord. You were found conscientious and haven't stirred one bit. You have a tube down your throat and you didn't even fight it. Your kids are there and your sister's are on their way. Know we love you and pray continually for you.
II Timothy 4:7
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Your race has been won. You have so many accomplishments. You have fought this illness for quite sometime, we understand if you can no longer put up your arms in defense. We love you, I love you.
Left to Right: Dad, Uncle Gordon, Amy, Uncle Denny, Me, Jordan, Reagan, Aunt Gail, Brent & Bradley, and Mom
This was taken just a couple months ago. That's Uncle Gordon, Mom, and Aunt Gail
My Uncle, the Chef! I'm so proud of you!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Ole' Wise One was right...
...AGAIN! Received an email from Jim because I had asked him if he had heard anything about Rose making a trip to Salay to find Flora. I know asking people I don't know in a poverty strickin country is a lot to ask to take a 2 hour trip out of their way. Regardless, I received this email this evening and it kinda stunned me. Ole' Wise One, the day you asked me if they were kinda requesting money - well, you were right. I'm kinda shocked that he would ask such a thing. Now it looks like I'm going to have to go thru ICAB (International Country Adoption Board) and start a long process. I thought my contacts who are RIGHT THERE would pan out for me but apparently they won't. This is quite a big let down seeing as I've been patiently waiting any kind of news at all. It seems like everything has come to a screeching halt. Am I ready to give up again? Should I give it up for now and start again when I have the urge? I feel like I've gotten so far. I mean, I really only 2 hours away to see if Flora still resides at the address I have!!! Maybe this is just a sign...God telling me that it's not the right time for this now. I'm not sure, praying is all I can do for guidance and direction.
Sorry I never got back to you quicker but I visited Rose yesterday and unfortunately due to money constraints Rose has not been able to persue your enquiry till now.
If you were to send a small donation I'm sure this would speed things up.
Best wishes.
Jim.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you were to send say $100.00 I'm sure that would be sufficient for Rose to travel to Butuan and make the enquires necessary.She may have to make more than one journey to obtain the answers you require.
Kind regards.
Jim.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Samantha Brown
I'm watching the Travel Channel and Samantha Brown is on. What a horrible job she has! Gets to travel the world...right now she's in Matchu Picchu, some ancient Aztec ruins. I find it amazing how cultural other countries are. my dream would to backpack across the world; however, where i am in my life that is only a dream. How fun yet scary would it be to live in another country. A country full of SO much history and relics.
Forget politics and all that goes along with it. Where would you want to live if you had to move from America? Don't think too much into it. Don't think about being ruled under a monarchy or bowing to the queen. Just for the people and landscape, where would you live?
Sunday, May 9, 2010
My Mom
My Mom
A halo that reflects a life of
wisdom, kindness, and caring.
Eyes that sparkle with pride
and show how much she believes in you.
Shoulders that have been slept on
and wept on and
carried a world or two.
Arms that never run out of hugs.
Hands that know
just when to hold on
and when to let go.
A mind filled with amazing things,
from fairy tales to family tails
and long-ago stories of you.
A smile that can jump right into your heart
and warm you faster than hot chocolate.
A heart of gold
that holds more love
than you can possibly imagine.
wisdom, kindness, and caring.
Eyes that sparkle with pride
and show how much she believes in you.
Shoulders that have been slept on
and wept on and
carried a world or two.
Arms that never run out of hugs.
Hands that know
just when to hold on
and when to let go.
A mind filled with amazing things,
from fairy tales to family tails
and long-ago stories of you.
A smile that can jump right into your heart
and warm you faster than hot chocolate.
A heart of gold
that holds more love
than you can possibly imagine.
1. That's my grandma who this poem is also meant for. Love you Grandma!
2. This is my mom lit up because this is Reagan's first night with us.
3. My mom, sister, and I at Precious Moments in Missouri.Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Dear Uncle Gordon
"I love you and hope you get better.
Your plans to surprise your daughter and grandchildren in North Carolina have been successful. We here in Texas are in hopes you will get better to make it to us; however, if that's not the case just get better to get home. Get well. -Lauren"
Uncle Gordon made plans to surprise his daughter and grandchildren by flying to North Carolina. From there he was going to come to Texas to visit us. He made it to North Carolina yesterday and made everyone's jaw drop when he was at the front door. Unfortunately, a phone call came in from Amy (my cousin, his daughter) telling us he has been taken to the emergency room earlier this evening. Our prayers go out in hopes he gets better. Please continue to pray as my mom did tell him that he wasn't well enough to travel but, the stubbornness came out of him but with the blessings of him being able to see his family.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Old Pictures
So, I mentioned our old sand box. And I know I've told my friends about how my grandma and mom always would make us dresses and what not. Well, here are some pictures. ENJOY!!
1. This is the first time we met Reagan. She had just come off the plane.
2. This is my sister and I with Uncle Gordon, who I wrote about below. This is how I've always known him.
3. Below is our sandbox...part of it at least.
4. These are some dresses my Grandma made and the dolls my mom made.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Reagan's Slideshow
* That's me and Reagan. I was probably 8 or 9 and she was either 4 or 5.
So I've began working on my sister's Graduation Video/Slide show. It's turning out great. Decided to use the two songs you hear playing on the blog. It's actually harder (emotionally) than I thought. The first part of the slide show is starting from when she first came over to the states till high school (song playing will be Send Me On My Way). The second half is her and her friends in high school (song playing will be Graduation Song). What makes this hard is realizing how much she means to me. Going thru old pictures and trying to put songs and words to the pictures is very emotional for me. I want to see her grow up and become more of a young woman than what she already is but at the same time...I don't. I want to stay young, play in the sandbox, ride our bikes thru the sprinklers, play dress up, get in trouble together. :( Like I said before in a previous blog, we are becoming distant in some things but closer in others. She is my best friend and I just can't believe she's graduating. I cam remember the days I would drop her off at her 1st grade classroom as I went onto 5TH GRADE (that's right...I was a big kid!).
My sister and I had this play gym in the yard. The wooden kind with a blue tarp over head. It had a slide, two swings, and a bar to swing on. Surrounding the whole jungle gym was a HUGE sandbox. When Mom was on the phone (not paying attention to us), we'd go get the garden hose and fill that sand box up to the rim with water! Oh, my dad would be SO mad. Sand was spilling over into the grass, mosquitoes were constantly around because it took FOREVER for that water to drain! Needless to say, we only got away with it 3 times but it was awesome.
Back in Ft. Morgan, CO is where I truly spent my younger childhood years. My parents restored an old 1900 house (it was a corner house). I thought I was the coolest kid cause I had TWO address! My front door was on Grant St and my side (garage door) was on Bijou. To my dismay, it was wishful thinking and kinda dumb. Well, in the restoration and rebuild, my parents turned the attic into this nice carpeted, window seats, and TONS of storage play room. In Colorado the houses are built much different than here in Texas. Like, our attic and basement wasn't just a room, it was just like another full level. So our play 'room' was huge. My mom is a huge sewer and always would make us dress up clothes. My sister and I spent hours playing and dressing up. We would get into fancy dress up dresses (I liked the poofy ones that were big when you spun around) go to the jungle gym and play house. We would make our neighborhood kid our butler. We named him Cadberry. LOL! He was some red head kid with glasses. His mom was mean! She had a "No Soliciting" sign in their window. Someone told me at some point in life that that sign mean that kids weren't allowed to ring the doorbell at those houses. So, when it was time for us to play house and we needed our butler, we would just stand outside his house and he'd just happen to see us thru his big living room window.
When we moved here, I was in middle school and she was in elementary school. Then I was in high school and she was in middle school. Our lives didn't split, but we were in separate places in our lives. We always were close. When we weren't hanging out with friends or she being dragged along to my sport events, we'd hang out....watch movies...sit and talk...whatever we wanted to do. I'm going to miss those times. Not saying they won't continue on but it just goes back to how I don't want things to change. Time has already changed for our family but reminiscing is good. I have a wonderful family who I love and cherish. Don't know what I would do without them.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The Yuckies!
* Traded couches with a friend. Her couch fit my house better and my couch fit her house and decor better. What do you think?
The past day and a half I have been held up in bed with the yuckies. I'm always getting sick. The medicine I have to take for my adrenal stuff lowers my immunity. There's a pro and con to everything.
Spoke to Gerwin here and there. He is off still in Dubai serving the United States. The more I talk to him the more greateful it makes me for the life I have. Not saying I wasn't greatful for the life I have been given, just saying he really puts things into perspective. The internal turmoil he goes thru between loving his family and his 'adoptive' family. The turmoil of not really feeling like you have a true 'home'. Not only did he move from the Philippines when he was 9 but once he got to the US, he and his adoptive family bounced around moving from one place to another. He has never known security as I have. Granted, my dad was transferred but not once did I ever feel as if I didn't belong somewhere. Wherever my parents were was home. Wherever my family is, that's home to me. Gerwin doesn't seem to have that. He is VERY wise and knowledgeable. His views on his life and others really open your eyes.
Here is an insert from one of our email correspondence. Talking about being human.
TEN RULES FOR BEHING HUMAN
I. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
II. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."
III. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."
IV. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
V. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
VI. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
VII. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
VIII. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
IX. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
X. You will forget all this; this itself is but a lesson.
Gerwin is an amazing young man. I look forward to reading his long emails. Always refers to me as 'sis'. We never end our emails with 'goodbye', it's always 'until next time'. I feel a great connection with him as a brother although he truly is not. Together we are learning about each other's lives, the pros and cons of being adopted at a young age and being adopted at an older age. I do consider myself lucky to be adopted early on in life; however, reading about him reminiscing about the Philippines does make me slightly jealous.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Bethanians, We Will Always Have Eachother
Gerwin and I have been corresponding all day. He is currently in Dubai so he has actually been staying awake while he should be sleeping! LOL. He has given me much incite to his life and truly to mine. Because he was much older when he was adopted, he harbors feelings that I never had seeing as I was much younger when I was adopted. I feel for him. I hate to see the pain he has experienced throughout the years; however, it's like he said...what he has been thru is what has made him who he is today. That is true in all of us. We are who we are because of our life's experience but to add to that, we are who we are because of how we've handled life's experience. Right?
From: Lauren E Taylor [mailto:audienceof3@aol.com]
Sent: Saturday, April 24, 2010 5:07 PM
To:
Subject: Your New Found FB friend
Gerwin,
I find your story quite intriguing. We were both at
So what is your life like now? I read that you have 1 more year left…then what? Who adopted you and where do they live? My sister and I were both adopted from the
Till next time,
Lauren
Lauren,
We were in
My life right now is a difficult one… it’s a path that is not quite clear to me. I am a Navy Corpsman… I enlisted back in 05 right out of high school. I’m committed for six year of my life. It has been an interesting six years or should I say… going to be… lol. I do have one more left after this July. I was in
I was adopted by Steve and Malinda Wynn. They have two children… one the oldest… my sister Kelley Irvan from my mom’s first marriage… the other… the youngest. Robert (Rob or Robbie) Wynn their only child together. So I have an older sister and a younger brother. He was two when I came to the family. We first lived in
Okay… I told you part of my story… so now it is your turn. Also… you can read my “Notes” in fb… it is sort of like my blog… I started writing it in Yahoo 360… I’m glad it was easily transferred to fb because 360 was taken down. I suggest you read them… you’ll find out a lot about me.
Until next time sis…
~Gerwin~
Bethenian Brother
With Gerwin's permission, I'd like to share some of our conversations. I believe this will be very therapeutical for the both of us. More conversations to come.
"Between You and Gerwin Legaspi
Ruth McKnight
* These are pictures of what I grew seeing. I would look out my grandparent's house and I would see these views.
I feel that going thru the hardships with my family, we are the strongest and closest. After writing about my dear uncle, talking with my mom and cousins, all my feelings go back to my Grandma. To this day I cry wanting and missing her. She was a strong woman, just like the Ruth in the Bible.
Grandma was was born on August 23, 1928 in Cleveland, OH. In 1944 she married my grandpa, Allan McKnight and moved to Colorado where she was a ski instructor at Silver Creek. She taught all of us grandchildren how to ski. They lived in Silver Creek, CO close to a well known town of Winter Park, CO. My grandma was everything to me. She was my best friend. I see now that the times I had with her I took advantage of. If only I could go back and embracer her and tell her how much she means to me. I would.
November 18, 1999. My grandparents were on their way down to Denver for my grandpa's doctor appointment. Grandpa isn't allowed to drive so Grandma has to take over the task of driving to the appointments. A beautiful white blanket of snow covered the ground. Now unlike Amarillo, 3 to 8 feet of snow is not uncommon. It wasn't but 6 minutes into their trip they came upon Red Dirt Hill. Red Dirt Hill isn't a truly dangerous stretch of road, but if you don't know how to drive in the conditions of the weather, then it can become a driver's worst enemy. Underneath the beautiful blanket of snow was a layer of pure ice. As they came to the top of Red Dirt Hill an oncoming truck full of lightening rods was out of control. He swirved from one side of the road to the other...eventually striking my grandparents van...
Amarillo: I had a basketball game that day. I was in art class when the school secretary came and asked me to come to her office. I was laughing and kidding around the entire way there. Not knowing what was ahead. I turn the corner into her office and see my sister sitting there...it was then I knew something had happened. Not but 2 mintues later my mom comes rushing into the office with a face full of tears. She was trying to hold evertying back when she told us about the accident. The three of us just stood there and embraced eachother. The school administer came a said a prayer over us. Praying for a safe trip and for my grandparents. We got into our van and I couldn't hold back...I burst into uncontrollable tears. The only thing running thru my head was Grandma is healthy, she'll make it; however, Grandpa has survived 5 heart attacks, strokes, and just not healthy. He was the one I was worried about. We drove 8 hours making 1 stop in Colorado Springs to eat. The whole ride of was full silence except for the 2 or 3 phone calls that would interrupt the silence...
Colorado: Many witnessed the accident. Fire, police, and abulance were on the scene. They pulled my grandpa out first because my grandma was stuck. They ended up using the jaws of life to get grandma out of the van. She was bleeding internally and was not in stable condition. They ended up airlifting her to the Denver hospital...
With 8 hours down and 1 stop, we finally made it to the hospital. My aunt, unlce, and cousins had already been there. When we got there, grandma had gone into surgery and grandpa was already in a room. Grandpa was doing okay, he had broken ribs, cuts and bruises, and the soarness that comes iwth any wreck; however, it wasn't the same for Grandma. I remember we were only allowed 2 at a time once she got of surgery. It was just like the movies...my dad and I walked slowly to the double doors that lead into the ICU. The ICU had rooms with glass doors so you could see the patients. I remember looking up seeing my grandma's name on her tag outside the door. I hestitated, not know what to expect. My dad coaxed me in and I couldn't believe that was my grandma laying on that bed. Her cheast was so bloated from the bleeding, I couldn't see her face. I couldn't see her face. All I could see was her chest going up and down by the breathing machine. We didn't stay long, I felt like I was going to pass out. Once my dad and I walked out of the ICU unit, it was decided that us kids would go to my aunt's house. So me, my sister, and two cousins went home. I remember my older cousin, Brent, say to the parents, "Please call when you know something". I don't remember much after that. I don't remember what happened when we got to the house, I think we all were exhausted we all just went to bed.
November 19, 1999: I woke up, not remembering much...did the phone ring? Is she okay? I jumped out of bed, turned into the hallway and saw my cousin and his girlfriend sitting down at the kitchen table read the newspaper. I walked up to Brent and asked, "Is she okay?". He shook his head, "No, you need to go downstairs and see your mom". I knew it. She didn't make it. I didn't run, I didn't hurry to go downstairs to where my parents were sleeping. I got downstairs and noticed my Uncle from St. Louis (uncle Gordon) and my cousin from North Carolina (uncle G's daughter) were sleeping on the hideaway couch. I thought to myself, "When did they get in?" "I didn't know they were coming...of course they would stupid". I finally made it to my parents room. I opened the door quietly thinking they were still sleeping. They weren't. My dad was just holding my mom as she fell into his arms in grave pain. All I knew to do was run to her and hold her.
Family and friends started coming in. The next couple days were full of preparing a memorial service for her. About 4 days later we all went to grandma and grandpa's house in the mountains. Passing the wreck and still seeing car parts was the hardest to see. We had a memorial service on the deck at the house. It was cold but there were so many people there the warmth and love made me put the coldness aside. During the last prayer, a flock of geese flew over head. Almost like a sign that she was okay.
My cousins put a cross on the side of the road where the accident happened. Every time we go up there we are reminded of the pain she went thru but then we remember that she's in a much better place and we will see her soon.
(This post was very hard for me to write. My grandma meant the world to me. I'm sorry if some of this doesn't make sense. When I regain composure, I will go back and fix things that are mumbo jumbo.)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)