24 Hours

Well, it's been a full 24 hours since Uncle Gordon passed. I feel so helpless being here. We found out that Uncle Gordon had donated his body to science to one of the universities in St. Louis. They are having a memorial for all of his St. Louis friends tonight- there is no family that lives up there in St. Louis. They will have it at his friend's restaurant where everyone referred to him as "Cheffy". Once the university is done using what they can, we'll get his body back and do a family memorial. Of course that could be weeks to a month. My cousins, Heath and Amy, are holding up. I'm just glad they were able to see their dad before he left. My mom and aunt are in pain. Every time they talk they have to hold back tears. That was their brother, that was their playmate when they were little and their brother who gave advice once they got older. Amy called home and put her kids on speaker phone so they could tell their grandpa how much they loved him. Aunt Nancy (Uncle Gordon's ex-wife but they kept a very close relationship) was able to hold him as they took off life support, she held him till the end.

(Surprise, Happy Birthday!)

Being here in Texas while all the events are happening up in Missouri doesn't quite make it seem real. When it seems real is when I talk to my mom over the phone who express the pain she's in thru her voice. Or when I'm with my dad who is just silent. Doesn't really move or say anything at all. I've lost my uncle. A person in my family who has always been there since I was born. I've never known my family any different w/out my uncle.

For some reason, I get this urge. I can't explain it as to why I feel this but when Uncle Gordon passed yesterday I felt like I need to call my grandparents to let them know. Both of my grandparents are already in Heaven welcoming their son. I can't explain why I felt this way though. I almost even called my mom to tell her she needs to tell her parents. How odd is this? Grandma passed in 1999 and Grandpa passed in 2005. It's almost like my memory was swiped clean and the losses we went thru prior to Uncle Gordon weren't there.

Another weird thing happened yesterday. I received the phone call around 4:45 am. I was up for a bit calling family members and just going thru the shock of what happened. I actually fell back asleep for maybe an hour and during that time I had a very realistic dream that Uncle Gordon came off his life support and went home. I saw the doctors take off his life support with him awake, I saw my cousins helping my uncle walk into his house. I saw my mom and aunt getting food for my uncle as he sat in his lazy boy. It was surreal that when I woke up, I didn't feel like he was gone. I felt like my dream really happened but then of course reality pinched me and I was back to the feelings I had an hour ago.

(Aunt Gail, Uncle Gordon and Aunt Nancy)

Another weird thing happened yesterday. I received the phone call around 4:45 am. I was up for a bit calling family members and just going thru the shock of what happened. I actually fell back asleep for maybe an hour and during that time I had a very realistic dream that Uncle Gordon came off his life support and went home. I saw the doctors take off his life support with him awake, I saw my cousins helping my uncle walk into his house. I saw my mom and aunt getting food for my uncle as he sat in his lazy boy. It was surreal that when I woke up, I didn't feel like he was gone. I felt like my dream really happened but then of course reality pinched me and I was back to the feelings I had an hour ago.

I don't quite understand it all. This is the first loved one I lost since moving from my parents house. All the other times I lived under my parents roof. I knew what was going on. I was on the front lines of it all. Now, being a part from my family I don't quite feel the same.