It seems that the lack of sleep is causeing me to go into hystarics and confusion.
Thursday: The entire day was fine. It was long but I had volleyball games that night that I was looking forward to. My games weren't until 8:30 and 9:30 and I had the house to myself. I laid down on the couch thinking I'll treat myelf to own of my movies and use this time to relax. Shortly after getting myself all comfortable, I fell asleep. Not quite sure how long I was asleep but when I finally woke up, I was in a dead panic. I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do, couldn't figure out what time it was. I looked at my phone and my computer but for some reason I didn't trust the time. So in my dead panic I start thinking I'm late for my volleyball games. Because I didn't trust the time, I started calling people to see what time it was as I am running to the bath tub to shave my legs (don't want to wear shorts for a game with stubby legs). I'm running around the house like an idiot, had anyone saw me they probably would've thought I was on drugs. I finally get he realization that it's only 7:40 and I have plenty of time to get to my games. I try to calm myself down but m body won't stop shaking. I'm starting to feel a little sick. Needless to say, I made it to the games and after a little bit of warm-up I felt fine.
I don't know what to contribute my panic mode to. Glenna, what do you think? Here are some things in my life that I guess could, maybe, partially add to it: lack of sleep, my uncle has a kideny that is failing him and just got on the donor list (we all know he needed to get on that list sooner), my aunt has brain cancer and the doctors couldn't remove all of the cancer when they went in for surgery three weeks ago, my sister graudating which is supposed to be happy but it just makes me realize that the old times are gone and now we're moving on, and of course this never ending search for Flora that makes me realize that I have no patients - I too anxious. Dr. Kerr, MD, diagnose me please!!!! LOL!
DISCLAIMER: I am not a Doctor, I just like to act like a know-it-all. Okay, here's my opinion...I think your body is trying to tell you something. Like, you're exhausted ...physically AND emotionally. OMG! You've got alot going on in your life right now. The only advise I can give you, is that you absolutely must take care of YOURSELF just as much as you take care of everyone else. And think about this...How much of all that's going on in your life do you really have any control over? Not a lot. You CAN control how much sleep you get...and it sounds as if you NEED to work on that. But you CANNOT control your uncle's failing kidney or your aunt's cancer. I'm not saying don't care about their health. Of course you want them to be well. I'm just saying that your worrying yourself sick about them is NOT going to effect their ultimate out-come. It will ONLY make you sick as well. As for your sister's graduation. This IS a happy time. At lease for her...so maybe you need to really examine inside yourself why it makes you feel sad. I mean, forgive me for being blunt, but seriously...didn't the 'old times' really end when you became a wife and a mother? Life is about change. This is not the end of your relationship with your sister. It's just a transition into whatever the relationship will become next. And as for your quest to find Flora...gosh...only someone who has gone through what you are experiencing can speak on that.
ReplyDeleteI would simply suggest that you try to let go, and let God be in control. Breathe Lauren...just breathe, and know that everything happens as it is supposed to happen...even when we don't like it and/or don't understand it.
It's time for this old windbag to get some sleep. Good night.